Time to pull the plug

As I write this, Britain is in the grip of a fever of excitement over what one of my friends contemptuously refers to as "The Stratford running and jumping championships". I am not able to work up much enthusiasm myself, but as far as the opening ceremony is concerned, I would say it was £27 million well spent. Mind you, I also think Ernie Lazenby should be appointed President of the Society for Editors and Proof-Readers...

But as the "normal" world celebrates its Olympics, we in the chess world watch our forthcoming Olympiad in Istanbul degenerate by the day. The chess Olympiads got off to a bad start from the beginning, with the very name "Olympiad" being a misnomer, that merely demonstrates the ignorance of those who coined it. As the late Dutch GM, Lodewijk Prins was fond of pointing out, for the Ancient Greeks, the "olympiad" was not the event itself, but the four-year interval between Olympic Games! Perhaps our Ernie was involved in choosing the name?

But moving on from that, the Olympiads have become increasingly controversial in recent years. Burgeoning size has meant ever-increasing costs to host the event, and with FIDE dominated by Third World countries and congenitally incapable of securing sponsorship from any Western countries or corporations, the Olympiad has more and more often been held in run-down ex-Soviet backwaters, such as Elista and Khanty-Mansisk, or dubious third-world dictatorships.

On top of that, many top players cannot be bothered to turn out in Olympiads, especially top players who represent relatively weak countries, or countries which have no sponsorship with which to pay appearance fees to their players. Anand has not played for India for years, whilst this time round, Magnus Carlsen is reluctant to play for Norway, both because of money considerations and fear of jeopardising his Elo rating against the relatively weak opposition that the Norwegian team is likely to face. As a result of these difficulties, Norway have apparently decided not even to enter a team, despite the fact that they are due to host the next Olympiad in 2014.

But the biggest problems this time arise from the fact that the event is being held in Istanbul, Turkey, fiefdom of the dreaded Ali Nihat Yazici, head of the Turkish chess federation and now seemingly one of Ill-Lunatic's most dedicated supporters. "Comical Ali", as he has been dubbed, has already banned English arbiters from the event, as "punishment" for the ECF's support for the recent court case against FIDE in Lausanne. Now he has gone one step further, and put down a motion to suspend the ECF, plus the six other federations which have supported court action against FIDE. If successful, this would, inter alia, deprive English players of their FIDE ratings and also prevent English organisers from running FIDE-rated events.

 Ali Nihat Yazici, who could turn out to be the best friend English and world chess has ever had. (photo: chessbase.com)

Actually, in the long term, the best possible outcome for both English and world chess would be for Comical Ali's motion to succeed. In the short run, it would hit English players and organisers, but there is an excellent chance that it would also result in the splitting of the Western democracies from FIDE, and the establishment of a new organisation, free of the dominance of Third World-supported space travellers and dictators. Such an organisation would have an excellent chance of being able to market chess properly and attract respectable commercial sponsorship, which in the long run would benefit the top players and everyone else too. If that happened, and the new organisation were seen to be successful and able to raise money for chess, the Third World countries would soon be clamouring to join, and could be admitted as non-voting members. In the end, FIDE would wither on the vine, as people voted with their bank accounts, and we could be left with a respectable and respected world chess organisation, rather than one at the mercy of the likes of Ill-Lunatic and Comical Ali. Of course, that is an ideal outcome, and may not happen, but there is at least a chance. There is no chance of a future at all within FIDE.

In the meantime, it is 100% clear that England should withdraw its teams from the Istanbul Olympiad next month. By going, we lend credibility to Comical Ali 's event, as well as ensuring that we will be comprehensively shafted every step of the way - stuck in the worst hotel, miles from the venue, etc, etc. As every past Olympiad player knows, there are myriad ways in which Olympiad organisers can make life extremely unpleasant for any country they do not like. Furthermore, the ECF does not have the money to send teams to the OIympiad anyway - the federation does not have two halfpennies to rub together, and is currently in the process of setting up a compulsory membership scheme, in a desperate attempt to shore up its crumbling finances, following the withdrawal of the last vestiges of Government funding for chess. The last thing it needs now is to waste thousands on sending teams to an Olympiad in Turkey, where they will be about as welcome as a bacon sandwich at a Bar-Mitzvah.

It is not as though we have a realistic chance of a medal. The Men's team, of Adams, Jones, Short, Howell and Pert is missing only McShane of the top five, but even they will be the first to admit that a medal is only a remote possibility, that would require almost the whole team to be on top form at once. The Ladies team is missing all of the top four players, and, with all due respect to those selected, there can really be no justification for spending scarce resources on sending a reserve team along, especially to such an unwelcoming environment.

But the biggest consideration is neither medal prospects nor money, but simple morality. We cannot possibly justify supporting an event run by the likes of Yazici, in present circumstances. So we should withdraw our teams. But we won't, of course, because that would require some moral fibre on the part of the Dear Leader and his cronies at the Egregious Chess Federation, and nobody but a fool would expect that.

4 ft 11 inch Korean sets Olympic weightlifting record

"Of course, if Yun Chol Om had consulted me initially..."

St Caissa's Parish Newsletter - Summer 2012

Incumbent: Rev C Jong-Il, MA, BBC, GAY, EGGHEAD (cont'd p94) 

Well, it's that time of the year again, when we in the parish gather for our Annual Sports Day, being held this year "oop North" (as my Yorkshire friend Brian, from the checkout at Tesco's would say!), in the fine resort of Whitley Bay. I say "fine resort" because everyone tells me that it is, and I am sure they are right, although unfortunately, I will not be there myself to see it, as I have to wash my hair this week. I have to say that I been very saddened by the tittle-tattle that has emanated from certain parishioners (no names, no packdrill, Ms Barnes!), regarding my absence. Some have suggested that my failure to attend and preach my traditional closing sermon may in some way be connected with a continuing grudge, over the unpleasantness at last year's Sports Day in Sheffield, when certain nosey busybodies objected to the "I love opposite-coloured bishops!" t-shirt, that I had been intending to wear over my cassock. Such hurtful smears have no place in our church, which, as you all know, is based on the sacred principle of forgiveness of one's enemies (even interfering old crones like that mad Geordie cow!). Let me remind the parishioners concerned of what Our Lord said about such situations: "He that wouldst allow the sun to go down on his wrath shall spend eternity reading the Daily Mail" (St Paul's Letter to the Journalists, 13:45). That's not a fate I would wish on my worst enemy, not even that barmy Scottish arbiter she hangs around with!

Yours ever, Conor

Message from the Churchwarden, Mr Farthing

I would like to remind all parishioners that, with effect from 1 August this year, compulsory tithes will be required from all persons resident within the parish boundaries. There will be NO EXCEPTIONS to this rule, so please don't try on any of this old fanny about "I only come to 3-4 services per year, so can't I just put 54p in the collection plate each time, like I always used to?".  However, in recognition of the fact that the new system has caused some concerns amongst many parishioners, and in the spirit of ecumenical tolerance characteristic of our church, I have decided that on the first occasion of late payment, parishioners will not face the traditional punishment of excommunication, but will merely be given a "gentle reminder" by our two local baseball-playing twins, Doug and Dinsdale Piranha. I trust this generous Christian gesture on my part will be appreciated by some of the "moaning minnies" in our parish. Yes, I mean you, Mr de Coverly!

Financial update from the Parish Treasurer

A number of parishioners have enquired about the amount of shekels remaining in the Parish collection plate. Unfortunately, due to pressure of work and other difficulties, I have not yet been able to count the money concerned, and I am still waiting for the Vicar to supply the till receipts from last month's "Bring & Buy Sale", and also to confirm which of the coins found in the bottom of the tombola belong to him personally, and which he holds in his capacity as Chairman of the Diocesan Church Roof Restoration Committee. However, I am sure everything is ship-shape and above board! (You're fired. - CJ)   

Parish Postbag:

Dear Vicar

I am still waiting for your explanation of the fact that you appear to have authorised the latest St Caissa's evangelical mission to Lausanne two days before the relevant meeting of the Parish Evangelist Sub-Committee...

Yours sincerely,

Hamish McFrazer, Chairman, Scottish Presbyterian Arbiting Committee

[Unfortunately, Mr McFrazer's letter has had to be cut for reasons of space, and to prevent him embarrassing himself any further with his ludicrous allegations and conspiracy theories against the Vicar]

Death of an original

I was very sad yesterday belatedly to hear of the death in April of the Dutch IM, Dick van Geet. He was 80 years of age.

I suspect most non-Dutch readers will not even know his name, but he was very well-known in his native Holland, and deserves to be much better known elsewhere. He became an IM in 1965, and had a series of excellent results at the Hoogovens tournaments in Beverwijk in the late 1960s, beating such players as Kavalek, Pomar and others, although he was never a chess professional. But most of all he was known for his command of offbeat openings, especially 1.Nc3, which is named after him in Holland. He played and analysed this extensively (and also the black equivalent, 1...Nc6), and also wrote a small booklet on it, a copy of which I have. Van Geet was a very sharp tactician, but also a deep thinker about the game, which made him perfect for this type of opening. Once he got his opponents on their own resources, he could be very dangerous, and he won numerous sparkling miniatures with 1.Nc3.

Later, he stopped playing this opening and turned his attention to Larsen's 1.b3, once again endowing the opening with his own ideas, combining a sharp eye for tactics with an underlying strategic idea. Here, too, he won many interesting games, and he continued to use this opening in correspondence play, almost up to his death.

I never met van Geet, but I feel that I almost knew him, thanks to many conversations about him with Gerard Welling, who was a good friend of his. I shall return to the subject of van Geet's play over the next few weeks.

Chess has lost a fine and talented original thinker. Here is an example of his prowess with his eponymous opening:

Serial incompetence

The inability of the Egregious Chess Federation to do anything properly really does beggar belief. Over on the Forum this week, there was a priceless moment, when someone questioned why there has been no attempt by the ECF to generate publicity for the ongoing British Championship. In response, the Egregious lot's Publicity Officer, one Ben Edgell, responded as follows:

I haven't done any publicity work for the British

He went on to admit this was not acceptable, but he works full time, is very busy, etc, etc.

I have no particular beef with Mr Edgell per se; at least he was honest. But just what is it about the ECF that renders all its officials completely incapable of even wiping their posteriors, once they assume office? Many of those elected are professional men, with good track records as chess organisers, yet the moment they assume office within the ECF, they seem to undergo some sort of surgical process, that removes every trace of competence and ability from them, and renders them entirely useless to man or beast. We have a Publicity Director, who hasn't done any publicity work. We have a Marketing Director, who appears (as far as anyone knows) to have done no marketing since he took the job. We have a Finance Director who can't even produce a set of accounts. We have a Director of Home Chess, who couldn't direct the traffic from one end of London Bridge to the other. And atop this ghastly Ministry of None of the Talents, we have the Dear Leader himself, whose sole contribution in the past year seems to have been limited to bad-mouthing British chess in the pages of national newspapers.

There has recently been a development in the saga of the non-existent Ward-Higgs county correspondence event (see here). There has still been no adequate explanation from the ludicrous John Philpott, for his failure ever to distribute pairing notices for the 2011-12 season; still less has there been a worthwhile apology. However, our Fliptop has taken action to ensure that the event runs next year - he has dumped the responsibility on the BFCC (British Federation for Correspondence Chess)! A few weeks ago, team captains received an e-mail from the BFCC's Neil Limbert, stating that "The ECF has now requested the BFCC to organise and run this event".

"The ECF have asked us to organise this piss-up in a brewery for them" (photo: xaxor.com)

So there you have it - the ECF officially admits it is incapable of running national chess events, and has dumped its responsibility on another organisation. All it needs now is for the Egregious lot to demand that all players in the event be members of the ECF! I would not put it past them...

Another archeological find - the solution

I left you with this position:

White to play and win

W Leick, Vossische Zeitung 1922

The solution is easy enough: 1.g7 Rg3 2.Bxb3+! Kxb3 3.Rd3+!, deflecting the black rook away and picking up the bishop on c8, after promotion. However, there is one little extra trick. After 3...Rxd3 4.g8(Q)+ Kb2! White must not grab the bishop at once, as after 5.Qxc8? Black has perpetual check with 5...Ra3+ 6.Kb4 Rb3+, etc, since the white king cannot cross the c-file. Instead, White must interpolate the check 5.Qh8+!, fatally weakening the position of the black king, which cannot maintain control of all three of the squares a3-b3-c3. For example, after 5...Ka2 6.Qxc8, and now the checks run out after 6...Ra3+ 7.Kb4 Rb3+ 8.Kc4.


Another relatively simple, but nonetheless elegant and enjoyable study by this neglected German composer.

Another archeological find

The Weick study I published last week proved very popular, so here is another by the same composer, again taken from Harold's recent article in EG. Once again, it is not difficult, but watch for the small sting in the tail - you may not have fully solved it when you think you have! Solution tomorrow.

White to play and win

W Leick. Vossische Zeitung 1922

Awards time!

A distinguished and respected member of the British chess community has pointed out to me a significant omission in this blog's repertoire - a set of annual awards. Hollywood has the Oscars, the music industry has the Grammys, theatreland has the Tonys, etc. But what do the termites have?

I am therefore delighted to announce the establishment of the annual Earwig, Rodent and other Nauseating Irritants awards, aka the Ernies. As well as the top award, for Termite of the Year, we will also have other much-coveted Ernies, such as Best Supporting Termite, Best Spelling Mistake by a Termite, and Best Use of a Non-Sequitur in Argument by a Termite. The special Reuben Stewpot Trophy will be awarded to the termite who has made most uses of the perpendicular pronoun in postings on the Egregious Chess Forum over the previous 12 months. Those unlucky enough to miss out on a main award need not despair either, as they always have the possibility of winning one of our special Lifetime Non-Achievement Awards, something for which I expect there to be especially fierce competition amongst the termites.

Yes, you too could own one of these life-size statuettes of Reuben Stewpot! (photo: en.wikipedia.org)

The annual Ernies Night Awards Dinner, hopefully to be staged at Simpsons-in-the-Strand, on 30 February 2013, will be hosted by a world-famous celebrity, of whom you have never heard. The occasion will also see the delivery of the inaugural Dimwit Lecture. It had been intended that this would be given by the distinguished biographer, Mr Paul McClown, but unfortunately, he recently informed us that, despite 12 months' intensive work on his speech, he has still only got as far as "My Lords, ladies and gentlemen", and he remains unsure about the last three words. However, we are delighted to announce that Mr Ernie "Good Moaning" Crabtree, the distinguished former member of HM Constabulary, has agreed to step in at short notice, and will be speaking on the subject of "The impoct of globle finansing on the chess live of Cleveland, 2001-2012 - a cast-benifet analisis".

It promises to be a memorable occasion and tickets will go on sale shortly. All proceeds from the event will be invested in shares of Rentokil, manufacturers of some of the word's most effective pest control remedies. In accordance with best practice in the chess world, full accounts for the event will be published in due course, although we are unable to say precisely when this will happen or which of the relevant transactions will actually be recorded in those accounts, and there may also be difficulties in distinguishing between monies expended by myself in my personal capacity, and monies expended by me in my capacity as President of The Termite Extinction Society. But I assure you that everything will be above board, so I am sure that will be OK.

Wiggins in cycling Tour triumph!

"Of course, when I set up the Tour de France in 1903, I never thought I would live to see an English winner."

Tailgate

The 99th British Championships start tomorrow at North Shields. As regular readers of this blog will know, it has been a hugely controversial year for British chess since last year's British at Sheffield, and this has had a significant impact on this year's championship. The fact that the event is taking place at all is a triumph for the local North-East chess community, who have rallied round Lara Barnes in splendid fashion, by no means confining their support to mere words. Many thousands of pounds have been put up by local chess fans, which has enabled the field this year to include seven Grandmasters, despite the absence of any formal sponsorship. It is a great effort.

But there is one aspect of the Championship which appalls me, although it is not the fault of the local organisers. That is the weakness of the overall field. In fact, I would go so far as to suggest that this must be one of the weakest British Championships ever.

Looking at the field, I see a total of 62 players.  The top is respectable enough, with seven GMs and six IMs. But there the good news ends. Only eleven players are rated over 2400, and only four in the range 2300-2399. The 16th highest-rated player - ie. just bottom of the top quartile - is rated just 2275. And no fewer than 34 players, over half of the field, are rated below 2200, 19 of those (more than a quarter of the field) below 2100.

Two years ago, I covered the 2010 British at Canterbury for the BCM. I commented then that the length of the tail would have done credit to a Brazilian aadvaark (and, yes, I could not resist referring to "the Canterbury tail"...). But Canterbury's tail looks like a veritable Stewart Reuben, alongside this year's Michael Jordan.

The truth is that the British Championship has become hugely devalued over the past 20 years. I was discussing this recently with a well-known British chess figure, now in his late 50s. He pointed out that he never qualified for the British in his playing days, despite spending some 25 years, graded/rated in the region of 195/2200. Nowadays, he could expect to be in the top half of the field. And, let's not forget, there has been serious rating inflation over the same period - a rating of 2200 thirty years ago is probably worth over 2300 nowadays.

I am sure what I am about to say will upset a few termites and others, but the harsh truth is that, precocious juniors aside, a player much below 2400 has no place in a national championship, such as the British. I myself played in two British Championships, in 1989 and 1990, scoring five and four points respectively (I also qualified several more times, but did not play). If I remember rightly, I was unrated at the time of the first, with a BCF grade around the upper 180s, and by the second, I had a FIDE rating of 2315. I was not especially young at the time (going on 30), and, in all frankness, should not really have been playing in the British Championship. Yet I was considerably stronger at that time than a lot of the field in North Shields.

The reason for this sad decline is money, of course. After rejecting The Times' sponsorship offer of some 25 years ago, which would have seen the British held as a stand-alone exclusive, all-play-all, amongst the top players, and held in London, the then BCF was stuck with its current model of a general seaside congress, incorporating the British alongside amateur events. The trouble with such a model is that it is unattractive to sponsors, and so the British has to be funded by enlarging the field, and effectively selling places to low-rated amateurs, who are willing to pay an entry fee of £200 or so per head, for the privilege of playing in the Championship. There are various words in the dictionary for such selling of favours; I will let readers choose their own. But the effect has been to produce the sort of British Championship field we see at North Shields this year.

I repeat what I said above - I think Lara and the North East chess community have done wonderful work on the Championships this year, and I am sure all those who play will have a great time. I do not blame them for the weak field. As usual, it is generations of hapless oafs at the top of the Egregious Chess Federation who have produced this situation, just as they have presided over the collapse of the National Club championship, county chess, and just about everything else their reverse Midas touch comes into contact with. I just think it is a great shame, that the sterling efforts of so many dedicated volunteer chess organisers and fans, up and down the country, should end up being p*ssed up against the wall by the game's incompetent, self-interested officials.

The Howard Carter of endgame studies

Earlier this week, I received the latest issue of the endgame study magazine EG, now edited by Harold van der Heijden. The story of Harold's famous study database is well-known (see here, for example), but he continues his indefatigable researches to unearth hitherto lost studies. Nowadays, the increasing availability of newspaper archives online is making such research somewhat easier than before, by at least sparing the researcher the need to travel to obscure libraries, often abroad.

Even so, it is a painstaking job, requiring great dedication by the researcher - many hours can be spent, poring page by page over microfilms of barely-legible ancient newspapers, without finding a single new study. However, to the true archaeologist, this just increases the pleasure, when one does come across some new studies. When asked what he could see, on first entering Tutankhamen's tomb, Howard Carter is reputed to have replied "Wonderful things!". Harold is very much the Howard Carter of the study world, and is surely entitled to use the same words about many of his finds?

In the latest EG, Harold describes some of his recent researches, in the Berlin newspaper Vossische Zeitung 1918-34, which he recently discovered was available online. This yielded about 15 studies that were new to him, including a number by a composer whose name is new to me, W Leick. Here is a nice little example - a simple enough study, but the sort of miniature that I like. I will not insult your intelligence by giving the solution:

White to play and draw

W Leick, Vossische Zeitung, 1920.

Termitewatch (31) - It's Kim Il McClown!

There appears to be no limit to the talents of Paul McClown, the world's slowest writer of chess biographies. Over on the Forum, he is now holding himself out as an expert on the politics of the Korean peninsula, roundly abusing Guardian journalists and anyone else who dares to disagree with his own "penetrating analysis" of the situation!

His latest post on the subject runs to three lines. By my calculations, if he writes his political posts at the same speed as his Bob Wade biography, then he must have started drafting the latest post whilst Kim Il Sung was still alive... 

"Paul McClown, nearly finish book on Bob Wade? Ha, ha, ha. You - funny man!"

The Boz rolls on!

Manuel Bosboom (blogs passim, as they say in Private Eye) continues to provide wonderful entertainment in the SPA Open in Amsterdam. This was Wednesday's round 5 effort:

Your computer will tell you it is all unsound, but what does that soulless silicon beast know?

Tales from Bedlam (part 94)

Regular readers will be aware that I have long suspected that the assorted loonies over at the Bedlam Brigade blog do not know what day of the week it is. Now evidence comes from the horse's mouth.

Writing yesterday, one of their number referred to having played a tournament the previous week. In amongst his ramblings, he says

...we arrived on Friday and the next day I played him...


However, in a comment added a few hours later, he says:

Justin tells me the first round was actually Sunday and that we travelled down on Saturday ... which rather proves my point, I think.

It certainly rather proves mine.

Olympic security guard shortage fiasco

"Of course, if G4S had consulted me initially, they could have been short of far more than just 3500 security guards by now".

Look what they've done to our game, Ma!

Have you lost a drawish ending recently? If you have, it almost certainly still rankles, so maybe a bit of schadenfreude will add some balm to your wounds. In the latest issue of the Russian magazine 64, I came across the following diagram:

The position was reached after White's 68th move in the game Dreev-Brodsky, from April's Russian Team Championships. It is hard to imagine a much more drawish-looking position. But just 20 moves later, the 2558-rated Grandmaster playing the black pieces was forced to extend his hand in resignation. If you play over the ending below, you will see that White won in perfectly logical fashion - he checked the black king away from his pawn, brought his own king in, took on g7 and then promoted his own h-pawn. "Simples", as they say in the world's most irritating TV commercial.

Needless to say, the game was being played at the modern-day, Kirsan time-limit - 90 minutes for 40 moves, 30 minutes for the rest of the game, plus a 30-second increment per move. Presumably, by the above stage, Black was down to increment time only. If you are heartless, you may consider that this is still no excuse for Black losing. On the other hand, if you are like me, you will think that the people responsible for these modern time-limits should, in the words of Captain Blackadder, have their tongues beaten wafer-thin with a steak tenderiser and then stapled to the floor with a croquet hoop.

Perhaps it's time to rewrite the lyrics of Melanie's old hit - "Look what they've done to our game, Ma".

Let's hear it for The Boz!

My blog piece yesterday went up just an hour before I discovered that Manuel Bosboom is currently playing in the international open event in Amsterdam, being held alongside the Dutch Championships and the ACP "Golden Classic" event. As readers will already have gathered, "The Boz" (not to be confused with failed American footballer, Brian Bosworth, whose over-hyped professional career once resulted in his being voted one of the top 10 all-time sporting flops!), is one of my favourite players - always creative, full of imagination, and a fabulous attacking player. He is also a big time-trouble addict, which makes his games great to watch in the flesh.

Don't mess with The Boz! (photo: chessbase.com)

In yesterday's opening round, he won a typically fabulous attacking game. His piece sacrifice at move 12 is remarkably imaginative - rather than move his attacked knight, he just plays 12.a3, taking away the move Nb4! A queen sacrifice follows, both sacrifices being of the "passive" variety, ie. with the piece just being left on an attacked square, rather than moved there. Your computer will tell you how Black could have defended better, but over the board, such an attack is always liable to succeed, especially in the hands of a player with The Boz's attacking flair.

The cafe culture

I have just been re-reading the lovely book, Hooked on Chess, by the late American player Bill Hook. He was famous for his Olympiad exploits, representing the US Virgin Islands for many years, and once playing Fischer in a well-known game. Hook lived on his wits all his life, rarely holding down a regular job, and instead living from a combination of gambling, art and, most importantly, his devoted wife's excellent salary! The early section of his book includes memories of his time in a famous New York chess cafe, the eccentric patrons of which are splendidly recreated in Hook's memoir. 

It got me thinking. Almost every major city in the world has at least one decent chess cafe, where lovers of our game can gather and while away their days, playing blitz and analysing positions. They provide a key meeting-place for visiting chessplayers, who can always find a friendly face and a warm welcome. In Amsterdam, I always loved the famous Gambiet cafe, on Bloemgracht, just a stone's throw away from the Anne Frank museum in the Jordaan district. This was a true chess cafe, populated by the usual eclectic mix of amateurs, and whenever there was a strong GM event taking place in the city (which used to be quite often), one could guarantee to see a few of the GMs in Gambiet of an evening. Sadly, the place closed several years ago, following the death of the owner, but I still know of at least three other chess cafes in central Amsterdam, and there are probably others, of which I am unaware.


But what of London, that large municipal toilet that passes for our own capital city? Alas, I know of no equivalent of a proper chess cafe, open all day, where visiting chessplayers can camp down to pass a few hours. There have in the past been various attempts, but they have rarely lasted long. The last one I recall was the Chequers Cafe in Chalk Farm, but that was controversial for being owned and run by an Egyptian psycho called Aly Amin, who banned more players than he ever allowed in. As far as I recall, the cafe only lasted 2-3 years, before closing down. Murray Chandler attempted to set up a similar permanent chess centre in Clapham, which combined a playing venue with a shop selling chess books and computers, but that too lasted only a relatively short time, largely thanks to repeated break-ins.


It seems a great shame that London, whose venues such as Simpsons Divan dominated the chess scene 150 years ago, and which is now home to the London Classic, and looks likely to host a Candidates tournament and possibly a FIDE Grand Prix in the next twelve months, still has no central meeting place for visiting chessplayers. In fact it's a real bugger, because I am in London on Monday for lunch with a friend, and an evening concert - I could really do with a chess cafe to camp down in for the intervening few hours!


"Coffee-house chess" has become a term of art. Here is an amazing example of the genre, played by one of the strongest regular haunters of the Amsterdam chess cafe scene, Manuel Bosboom. The notes are by my friend, IM Gerard Welling:

The most irascible man in England?

No, not the title of my forthcoming autobiography...

Edward Winter's Chess Notes page recently had an interesting piece about a figure who has always interested me, namely Ernst Klein. I first came across the name in 1973, in one of the first copies of Chess that I ever obtained. The magazine contained a report on a major open event in London, won by Bent Larsen, ahead of an 18-year old John Nunn, for whom it was one of the first international successes. The report in Chess also mentioned that the tournament had seen the veteran former British champion, Klein, emerge from some 20 years' absence from  chess, to achieve a respectable result, drawing with Markland and beating two of England's most promising young players, David Goodman and Jonathan Kinlay. Klein's game against the latter was given in the report.

It was only years later that I found out more about Klein, an Austrian Jew, who had settled here before the war, and won the 1951 British Championship.  As Winter's piece (based on correspondence with Klein's son) acknowledges, Klein was not an easy man to get along with, being quick to take offence and ferocious when he did so. In fact, he had a reputation as possibly the most irascible man in British chess. One typical story came in 1952, when he played top board in the annual Anglo-Dutch match. In the first game, he drew with Black against Max Euwe, proof enough of Klein's class as a player. However, at breakfast the next morning, he picked up The Times and read their chess correspondent's report on the previous day's events. This contained words to the effect that Euwe had probably not been taking his opponent too seriously, hence his failure to win. Admittedly, this was perhaps not the kindest way to report Klein's fine achievement, in holding the ex-world champion with Black, but even so, most players would have shrugged it off. But not Klein - he was so incensed that he refused to play in that morning's second round, and promptly stormed off home. David Hooper had to substitute for him, and lost rather feebly to Euwe.

Shortly afterwards, Klein broke with English chess for some 20 years, but his excellent performance at London 1973 shows that he retained great class as a player. Winter's piece contains the three games mentioned above. One of Klein's other games was against Ray Keene. Interestingly, Ray recalls that, despite rather a one-sided defeat, Klein was very pleasant after the game, and wanted to analyse and be told where he had gone wrong.

The game is worth seeing, as a perfect example of the positional exchange sacrifice Rxc3 in the Sicilian. Klein's treatment of his opponent's Pirc is too tame, and Black soon gets a comfortable Dragon-type position. The exchange sacrifice yields two pawns and a crushing position, and Klein's long resistance was always destined to be in vain.
 

Worth it after all

It has been a traumatic 24 hours for yours truly. After the publication of my last blog entry, satirising the ludicrous EC Forum debate about the ECF-FIDE court case, some most unwelcome bedfellows were flushed out of the woodwork. First, it is Paul "Cuckoo" Cooksey, who states that he finds himself agreeing with me increasingly often. He then adds that "It's disturbing". It certainly is.

But as if that were not bad enough, I then have the poisonous John Uphimself commenting:

In many cases I have empathy with SGs (sic) derision


Readers will appreciate that, after such a revelation, I was plunged into a slough of despond, from which I feared that I would never emerge. Uphimself empathising with me - what have I done to deserve such shame??  Now, at last, I understood the feelings of that other good and righteous man, when he cried out "But when I looked for good, evil came to me. And when I looked for light, then came darkness. My heart is in turmoil and cannot rest. Days of affliction confront me" (Job 30:26-27).

"Deliver me, O Lord, from the compliments of the Termites!" (photo: rankopedia.com)

But, at this, my lowest moment, the Lord smiled on me. Or, to be more accurate, Ernie "Good Moaning" Lazenby smiled on me, by responding to Uphimself, with a devastating revelation:

John with regard to your comment about Giddin's (sic). Sadly you seem to have selected (sic) memory, I recall you asking my advice as to what could be done about him because of an attack on you.

Can it really be true? Termites secretly consulting one another over "what can be done" about this blog? Uphimself so upset by my attacks that he asks the advice of "Knicker (sic) of the Yard"?

Oh, the joy of it! Life is worth living after all!

ECF court case "hidden costs" sensation

The world of chess was rocked to its foundations last night, after it was revealed that two ECF Board members visited the lavatory and used "several sheets" of toilet paper, during a meeting about the ECF's recent court case against FIDE. Responding to questions on the Egregious Chess Forum, the ECF's Chief Executive, Mr Aintwortha Farthing, was forced to admit that his previous claims that the failed court case would not cost the ECF a penny were incorrect. "During the Board meeting to discuss the court case, I and the FIDE Delegate both visited the Gents, and between us we used 11 sheets of toilet paper to wipe our posteriors", he admitted, in a humiliating climbdown. "When I said that all the ECF's costs were fully covered by a third party, I failed to take into account the costs of the toilet paper used, which will now have to be deducted from the International Director's budget".

Critics have been quick to pounce on this admission. Retired policeman and part-time London taxi driver, Ernie "Good Moaning" Lazenby, told reporters "I alweys new there was moore to this thin moots the eye. Y' no wot I'd do wiv' that Nagel Shirt? Tick him out on a car park and cook his head in, thats wit. Thats the anly linguage these popple understind. I 'ad that Roggie Kroy in the back o' the cib once..."

Meanwhile, even traditional supporters of the ECF were questioning Forthing's actions. Mr David Sidegcock challenged the secrecy surrounding the toilet visits, commenting "I fail to see how the ECF has advanced its objectives by keeping these acts of defecation secret for several weeks. Why was a Press Release not issued at the time the Board members went for a crap?" And, when contacted by reporters, Sir Roger de Coverly added "It wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't already used so much toilet paper during meetings to discuss the ECF membership scheme..". (continued page 94).

But the ECF President, Mr C Jong Il, dismissed the whole affair as a storm in a teacup. "Some people wipe their asses on the ECF members. Get over it", he said cheerily, before adding "Sorry, I didn't mean ECF members, I meant bogrolls...".

The Andrex dog is 17.

Second best?

Ask any chessplayer which is the greatest chess book ever written and Bronstein's book on the 1953 Zurich Candidates is likely to figure near the top of the list. But, if American GM Andrew Soltis is correct, Bronstein's magnum opus may only be the second-best book written about that particular tournament! That, at least, is the provocative conclusion to his Introduction to the new English translation of Najdorf's book on the same event.

Najdorf's book, written in Spanish and published in Argentina in two volumes, has long been known as a classic amongst Spanish speakers. It has also become a bibliographical rarity, and chess book dealer Tony Peterson tells me that one is unlikely to be able to source a copy for much less than £100 these days. However, the linguistically-challenged English native speakers can now get the first English translation of the book, published by Hanon Russell.

I have only had the briefest of glances at my copy, but that is enough to see that it is great, and certainly a worthy rival to Bronstein's book. The notes are generally much more detailed, especially in terms of variations; Bronstein relies much more on general prose explanations, which are certainly highly instructive in places, but Najdorf's notes are much more concrete and supported by specific variations. He also brings a lot of flavour to his commentary, reflecting Najdorf's own colourful and witty personality. The book is fabulous and a must for every chess lover's bookshelf.

The irrespressible "Don" Miguel (photo: chess.com)

You can order a copy here. Meanwhile, here is one of Najdorf's own wins from the event, in which "Iron" Tigran Petrosian is given a good hiding. Black's superficially natural 12th move deprives his knight of the vital c5 square, after which his Q-side counterplay runs into a cul-de-sac. The blunder at move 22 makes things easy for White, but Black was worse anyway:

Fine words

Over on the Forum, whilst the termites witter on, ad infinitum and definitely ad nauseam, about the ECF / FIDE court case (now confirmed as lost by the ECF), one of their number attempted to draw to their attention a major scandal, concerning the Turkish GM, Suat Atalik. He has recently been banned from playing in a Greek tournament, at the behest of the Turkish Chess Federation (read: Ali Nihat Yazici, he of "No English arbiters at the Olympiad" fame), with whom he has fallen out, and which has taken it upon itself to ban him from playing anywhere in the world.

In support of his case, Atalik has issued an open letter, which was quoted on the Forum. The letter includes the following extract from the FIDE statutes:

HANDBOOK
Boycotts
Resolution
Approved by the 1979 Congress. Amended by the 1994 Congress.
Moral principles of FIDE for non-FIDE chess competitions.
1. The organizers and the players must be guided by the highest principles of the FIDE Statues:
1. FIDE is concerned exclusively with chess activities.
2. FIDE rejects discriminatory treatment for national, political, racial, social or religious reasons or on account of sex.
3. FIDE observes a strict neutrality in the internal affairs of the national chess federations.
2. In accord with its Statutes, FIDE reaffirms its commitment to the right to play chess and opposes all organized actions that would hinder that right.
3. It is understood that:
1. An organizer of a chess competition has the right to invite any chess player he chooses. Once an invitation has been issued and accepted, it must not be withdrawn.
2. Each player accepts an invitation only on his own free will but in strict accordance with the statutes and resolutions accepted by FIDE.

Fine words indeed, and ones with which few would disagree. Even the termites have not taken issue with the principles expressed.

But how shocked and appalled the termitic brotherhood would be, if only they knew the truth, namely that the words quoted above were drafted by .... Ray Keene!! Yes, indeed - some 30 years ago, following a series of regrettable incidents in which players had tournament invitations issued and then suddenly withdrawn (as happened to Ray at Biel 1979), and players accepted invitations to a tournament, only then to withdraw, when they received a better offer from another event (as another British GM did around the same time), Ray decided that something should be done to stamp out such iniquitous practices.

Taking time off from his busy schedule (which, as the termites will tell you, included spreading the Black Death, carrying out the Whitechapel murders and bombing Hiroshima...), Ray got together with the head of the Soviet Chess Federation at the time, the former cosmonaut Vitaly Sevastyanov, and drew up the words above. Ray recalls that clause 3.2 was not as tough as he would have liked (he wanted to spell out that players were not permitted to accept an invitation and then withdraw in favour of another event), for the simple reason that he found it impossible to make Sevastyanov's interpreter understand him (!), but he got 90% of what he wanted. The draft clause was subsequently brought to FIDE and adopted as part of the organisation's official statutes.

Ray Keene, pictured shortly after assassinating JFK.

Naturally, adopting rules and actually following them are two very different things where FIDE are concerned, but at least the right principles were embodied in the rules. How many of the opinionated, self-righteous Keene-bashers in termite land can boast of even having attempted to make such a contribution to the chess world, let alone having succeeded?

"Of course, if Yuri Gagarin had consulted me initially, he could have gone into space many years earlier".

Global warming blamed for English floods

"It must be all the hot air I have expended on the subject of the ECF compulsory membership scheme". (Photo: John Saunders)

ECF in Lausanne court setback

"Some people lose court cases. Get over it".

Buxton brilliancies

I don't know if it was the spectacular Palace Hotel ballroom where the last day was played, or something in the local spa waters, but the final round of the e2e4 Buxton Open produced several brilliant games. I featured Daniel Fernandez' queen sacrifice win on Monday; here are two other notable final round efforts. In the first, White sacrifices half the Amazon rainforest, to smoke out the enemy king to its destruction. The second features a standard French Defence piece sacrifice by Black, but one which is nicely followed up, with a decisive long-term attack.

Caviar to the general

As mentioned before, the e2e4 Buxton Congress was won by GM Keith Arkell. Regular readers of this blog will know that I am a great fan of "Ulfing", that most effective of winning techniques, which involves exchanging pieces and winning the ending. In English chess, Keith is the high priest of this style, and his round 3 game at Buxton was a perfect example. In the opening, Black's 6th and 7th moves are an Arkell speciality, objectively not the best perhaps (White should be better with his bishop pair), but avoiding the sharp theory of the main line. Thereafter, with some assistance from his opponent, Black exchanges down to the so-called "Capablanca endgame" of Q+N v Q+B, with White having the queenside pawn majority and Black the central/kingside. This structure is one that Arkell has won on countless occasions, despite the famed advantage of the queenside majority. Here, too, he soon obtains the advantage, and by the time of White's desperation pawn sacrifice, the latter is already suffering. The result is that another strong player loses as White, seemingly without doing an awful lot wrong.

It may not be the sort of game that appeals to the masses, but a careful study will do much to improve your chess.

LHC scientists find "God particle"

"It shouldn't have been that difficult to find me - I have only been away on a cruise".

Brave New World?

Over on the Forum, the termites are falling over themselves to compliment the Egregious Chess Federation's office in Battle, for the efficiency and courtesy with which they are taking membership subscriptions.

Coincidentally, an old uncle of mine, who lived in the East End in the 1960s, reckons Ronnie and Reggie were perfect gentlemen, all the while people paid their protection money on time, without demur. And your gran wasn't afraid to leave her back door unlocked...

"Gold membership, you say? That'll be £27 to you, mate, unless you want a couple o' my lads to come round 'n double your f*&king pawns!" (photo: lifemusicmedia.com)

e2e4 Buxton triumph

I returned last night from a great weekend at the latest e2e4 event in Buxton. Despite the online outbreak of BSE the week before, the weekend passed off without incident, with numerous players coming to Sean Hewitt to express their support for him, over the hotel rooms row. Those of us who were forced to move to Pott Shrigley on Saturday night (yes, both Sean and myself were among those affected, as was Mark Hebden) were rewarded with a night in a spectacular country house hotel and a first-rate complimentary dinner in its restaurant. Furthermore, the playing conditions at the Palace Hotel were some of the best I have ever seen at a weekend tournament, especially for the last day, when we were able to use the grand ballroom (the hotel's critics might like to note that hotel staff worked until after 3am on Sunday morning, shifting 100 tables, chess sets and clocks, into the ballroom for us).

"Of course, if the Olympic organisers had consulted me initially about the route for the flame, I could have told them I am currently on a cruise". 

We even had a visit from the Olympic flame, which passed by the hotel on the Friday afternoon. I am afraid I also showed my advancing age: when the hotel manager told us the hotel had "a prom" on Friday evening, I was expecting some classical music, rather than the several hundred partying school leavers, who actually materialised...

All in all, a great event, which looks likely to become a regular part of the e2e4 circuit, although it could do with Sean arranging somewhat better weather next time round!

The Open was won by GM Keith Arkell, to whose play I shall return later this week. In the meantime, here is the board 2 game from the final round, one of several brilliancies played in the round. The black player needed to win to have a chance of shared first, but was beaten in fine style. The winner, a Singaporean now living in Stockport (!), is just 16, yet already an IM, and clearly a player of promise.