The last 24 hours have seen the return to the Forum of our favourite illiterate retiered (sic) plodd (sic), Ernie "Good Moaning" Lazenby. He seems to have lost none of his constabulary charm over the past few weeks, since his last contribution to the termite mound.
He starts off by raising a perfectly legitimate question, about the rate of protection money Ronnie and Reggie will demand to grade games in a local rapid event in Ernie's backyard. But when his fellow North-East resident Paul Bielby points out that Ernie's preferred interpretation of the rules might be regarded as a loophole and the thin end of the wedge, our Ernie will have none of it, describing Bielby's reply as "offensive"!
He then goes on to reveal the real point of his thread, which is to remind us that he is the "principle (sic) sponsor" of the event in question. Ernie apparently puts some of his own money into local chess events, a laudable practice of course, but one which he is always at pains to point out. I have lost count of the number of times he has made reference to this fact over the past year or so. Naturally, he does it all for the good of chess, not for his own ego. It all reminds me of the Yes, Prime Minister episode, where the pro-tobacco lobby Sports Minister assures Hacker that the tobacco companies do not sponsor sport for purposes of marketing, but purely for altruistic reasons:
Hacker: "Oh well, that's fine. They can go on donating the money anonymously."
Minister: "I am sure they would be happy to do so, Prime Minister, so long as they can publicise the fact that they are doing it anonymously".
But I fear Ernie's altruism may be nearing its demise. He ends his tirade against Bielby by saying:
I tell you what Paul I will keep my money and stuff chess where it belongs.
That's right, Ernie! If I were you, I'd take chess out on (sic) the car park and kick its head in. That's the only language these board games understand. That reminds me, I nicked that Charlie Richardson once, y'know. Now 'e was a gentleman crook, 'e was, not like this modern lot...(continued page 94)