The world of English chess was rocked to its foundations last night, when it was revealed that a man who is not standing for office may have had a cup of tea in 1989, with the notorious Gotham City criminal, The Penguin.
Sources at the Egregious Chess Forum made the shock claims about St Francis of Assisi, whom friends have described as "the most brilliant non-candidate in the history of the ECF Presidency". According to Mr David Pardon-Me, "St...Francis is not all...he's cracked...up to ..be or not...to be..I think...that a man...whose name do...es not inclu...de any el..ipses should...not be..allo...wed to st...and.".
Meanwhile, a spokesman for the Streatham and Brixton Taliban, Mr Angus RatherwinbydefaultthanhavetoplaytheFrench, dismissed St Francis' alleged green credentials as an irrelevance, saying "I don't care how many birds he has taught to play the Sicilian Defence. What matters is that St Francis has never publicly confirmed that he believes the Penguin is responsible for demolishing the Walls of Jericho and making a huge hole in the middle of the Red Sea, just so he could reach Simpsons quicker from his home. Anyone who doubts the Penguin's responsibility for these, and all the other monstrous crimes in the history of the world, is not fit to hold the office of ECF President, and I personally will fight to my dying breath to get them disqualified on a technicality."
The Penguin was unavailable for comment, as he had gone out for lunch with King Herod.
