The world of chess was rocked to its foundations last night, after it was revealed that two ECF Board members visited the lavatory and used "several sheets" of toilet paper, during a meeting about the ECF's recent court case against FIDE. Responding to questions on the Egregious Chess Forum, the ECF's Chief Executive, Mr Aintwortha Farthing, was forced to admit that his previous claims that the failed court case would not cost the ECF a penny were incorrect. "During the Board meeting to discuss the court case, I and the FIDE Delegate both visited the Gents, and between us we used 11 sheets of toilet paper to wipe our posteriors", he admitted, in a humiliating climbdown. "When I said that all the ECF's costs were fully covered by a third party, I failed to take into account the costs of the toilet paper used, which will now have to be deducted from the International Director's budget".
Critics have been quick to pounce on this admission. Retired policeman and part-time London taxi driver, Ernie "Good Moaning" Lazenby, told reporters "I alweys new there was moore to this thin moots the eye. Y' no wot I'd do wiv' that Nagel Shirt? Tick him out on a car park and cook his head in, thats wit. Thats the anly linguage these popple understind. I 'ad that Roggie Kroy in the back o' the cib once..."
Meanwhile, even traditional supporters of the ECF were questioning Forthing's actions. Mr David Sidegcock challenged the secrecy surrounding the toilet visits, commenting "I fail to see how the ECF has advanced its objectives by keeping these acts of defecation secret for several weeks. Why was a Press Release not issued at the time the Board members went for a crap?" And, when contacted by reporters, Sir Roger de Coverly added "It wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't already used so much toilet paper during meetings to discuss the ECF membership scheme..". (continued page 94).
But the ECF President, Mr C Jong Il, dismissed the whole affair as a storm in a teacup. "Some people wipe their asses on the ECF members. Get over it", he said cheerily, before adding "Sorry, I didn't mean ECF members, I meant bogrolls...".
The Andrex dog is 17.